Wished: A Blaze of Glory Christmas Read online

  A white hot radiates through my side, and I grasp my ribs with my hand as I cry out in shock. As I fall away from Troy he climbs to his feet, the now bloody knife still in his hands. Glancing down at my side, I can barely see in the dark, but my hand comes away warm and sticky.

  The moon comes out from behind a cloud, and in that moment I see that his face is almost unrecognisable, and I see the dark red blood pooling beneath his head; the pure white snow stained with the evidence of what I’ve done.

  “You’re fucked now,” he gasps, spitting out a large glob of blood. “You’ll never see her again, you’ve lost everything.” His raspy, throaty laugh consumes me, the sound roaring through my ears like a freight train. I pause, my fist still raised high in the air, the weight of his words settling on my shoulders. The enormity of what I’ve done hits me and I falter.

  He’s right, of course; I’ll never see my family again. I’ll never again hold Natalie in my arms, I’ll never see Sunshine’s smile. They’re going to lock me up and throw away the key, all because I can’t control my tempter.

  Unless…

  His eyes grow wide as my fingers wrap tightly around his throat, his fingers grasping feebly at my wrists, slick with sweat.

  A dead man is a silent man, right?

  It’s not until his body goes limp beneath me that I let go, my fingers shaking uncontrollably as I unwrap them from around his neck and climb carefully to my feet. My breath is harsh in the stillness of the night, and a loud bellow rips itself from my soul, screaming out of my mouth as I take in what’s just happened.

  I’ve killed a man.

  I don’t really think that it matters whether he deserved to live or die, and I’m almost certain that the police won’t care, either. Murder is murder, plain and simple.

  How do I tell Natalie that I’ve just killed the father of her child? What will happen to Sunshine now that she’s all alone.

  Then, I hear it. It begins softly, but before long it becomes a loud wail.

  Stepping out of the dark alley way, I spy a car parked at the end of the now empty street. I glance around, but no one seems to be anywhere near me, or the car. Approaching with caution, I peer into the back seat, my heart thudding when a wave of nausea threatens to wash over me as my eyes take in what I see.

  Sunshine.

  FOUR

  “What the hell do you mean, you won’t be home for Christmas?” Stone hisses down the phone.

  I sigh as I tuck the blanket up around Sunshine’s chest, unable to stop the small smile that spreads across my face. She’s so precious, and she is already the spitting image of her mother.

  “Where the hell are you?” Stone asks, and I hear a door close, his footsteps crunching in the snow. The next minute, I hear the slam of his truck door closing, the engine starting up. “Text me the address.”

  “I can’t,” I shake my head, even though I know that he can’t see it. “Stone, you need to stay as far away from me as possible.”

  “Not going to happen,” he states. “Either you tell me, or I tell Natalie.”

  “No,” I yell a little too loudly, freezing as Sunshine shifts under her blanket. “No,” I say more quietly. “You can’t tell Natalie.”

  “Then tell me where you are.”

  I sigh and rub my forehead with my free hand. “I’m at the motel off the interstate. Listen, you have to come alone, okay? Don’t bring Zeke.”

  “What have you done, Keets?” Stone asks quietly, the truck still idling.

  “Just hurry,” I answer not waiting for his response as I hang up and run a hand over my head.

  I never imagined that I’d be spending Christmas Eve in a shitty motel room with a baby, the blood of her father still on my hands. Hurrying into the bathroom, I scrub my hands with antibacterial soap until they are raw, but I’m still convinced that they will never be clean again.

  Peeling my shirt off, I inspect the knife wound in my side. It’s not as deep as I first suspected, more of a scratch, really. Cleaning it up with a bit of the antibacterial soap, I tear a long strip off a clean sheet that I find in the bathroom cupboard, tying it around my middle section to stop the blood.

  Walking back into the bedroom, I stop and stare at the baby asleep in the makeshift crib. Really, it’s just a drawer I’ve filled with towels and sheets to make it as soft as possible, but she seems happy enough.

  Reaching down, I trace my index finger gently over her cheek. Her skin is as soft as a rose petal, the perfect peaches and cream color. There is a thick mop of golden curls on the top of her head, and I grin as I wonder how Shannon is going to react to her niece having her unruly hair.

  Taking a seat on the bed, I manage to find a Bible in the top drawer of the bedside table. With nothing better to do, I open it up and begin to read.

  ***

  The headlights of an approaching car wake me; I must have fallen asleep while I was reading as the Bible is still open in my lap.

  Closing it, I place it on the top of the bedside table and creep slowly over to the window. With what I’ve done tonight, I can’t be too careful. Pulling open one corner of the curtain, I sag with relief when I see Stone’s familiar truck. He jumps out and I move to the door, sliding the security chain across and pulling it open.

  “Stone,” I call quietly as he walks in the opposite direction toward the main office. He whips his head around, his eyes narrowing as he sees me.

  “What the hell is going on, Keets?” he demands, not bothering to keep his voice shut. Holding a finger against my lips, I groan inwardly when he ignores my request for him to keep his voice down. “No, I will not be quiet,” he practically yells at me as he reaches my door. “You take off in the middle of the night to get your girlfriend a Christmas present, and then you call to say you’re never coming back? What the hell happened to you?” he continues, gesturing to the makeshift bandage around my midsection.

  “Okay,” I interrupt him, holding up my hands in surrender. “I may have surprised you a little, but Stone-”

  “A little?” Stone laughs humorlessly. “A little? You’re kidding, right? What could possibly keep you away from Natalie? From me?”

  “Stone, listen to me,” I yell, finally shutting him up.

  His snaps his lower jaw closed and glares at me. “This had better be good.”

  I open the door and step back, allowing him into the hotel room. “You tell me,” I say quietly, closing the door behind him.

  Stone is dead silent, his laboured breathing echoing in the quiet room. I stand back, allowing him some space as he slowly approaches the makeshift crib. He stares down at Sunshine for a long moment before finally looking back up at me, tears shining in his eyes. “How?”

  “I saw Troy,” I start, holding my hands up as his nostrils immediately flare in anger. “Relax, Stone, he’s no threat to us.”

  “No threat?” Stone whisper shouts. “How can you say that, after everything he’s done to us? After everything’s he’s done to Natalie?”

  “Because he’s fucking dead, okay?” I sigh, glancing toward the door guiltily, half expecting the police to kick the door in any second. “I saw him attacking a woman in an alley, and I beat the shit out of him. I guess I beat him a little too hard. He was threatening to send me to jail, Stone. I couldn’t leave Natalie alone I-I had no choice.”

  “Calm down,” Stone orders, gently stroking Sunshine’s cheek with his finger, before reluctantly pulling away and turning back to me. “Are you sure he’s dead?”

  “Yeah,” I tell him, unable to meet his gaze. I’ve fucked up royally, and this time, I don’t think that there’s any way I can come back from it.

  I’m doomed.

  “Listen to me,” Stone says, gripping my shoulders firmly in his hands, forcing me to look at him. “I need you to stay here with Sunshine, can you do that for me?”

  “Of course, but-”

  “But nothing,” Stone insists. “You stay here and keep her safe, no matter what.”

  “O
kay,” I sigh. “No matter what.”

  Stone steps away from me, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and punching in a few numbers before putting it up to his ear, turning his back on me.

  “Hey,” he says in a low tone. “Are you in the area?”

  “Who is that?” I ask over his shoulder, but he waves me off dismissively.

  “I need you to get over to the motel off the interstate. Twenty minutes. Yes, okay. See you then.”

  Hanging up, he pockets his phone and turns back to me once more.

  “Stone, who is that?” I demand. “What’s going on?”

  “Trust me,” he snaps. “It’s going to be okay.” His face softens as he looks toward the makeshift crib. “I can’t believe you got her back.”

  “I can’t believe it either,” I admit. “I thought for sure that we would never see her again.”

  Stone shakes his head, “None of us would have ever stopped fighting for her,” he tells me, and I nod in agreement.

  “Listen, Keets,” Stone continues. “I’m sorry about earlier. I think you really did just take me by surprise.”

  “I understand,” I tell him. “But Stone, I can’t go back now. You have to take Sunshine back to Natalie, and I need to disappear.”

  “You’re not going anywhere,” Stone shakes his head again.

  “Listen to me,” I argue, rubbing my eyes with one hand, the other resting in a fist on my hip. I’m so tired, it’s been an incredibly long night. “I killed someone, Stone. I can’t be around you guys, you’re in too much danger. What about Zeke?”

  “We’re in no danger from you,” Stone states.

  “Not directly,” I tell him. “But the police will come looking for me eventually. I won’t have any of you implicated in any of this.”

  “We’re already implicated; you called me, remember?” Stone grunts. “Listen, it’s all going to be okay. I just need you to trust me.”

  Sunshine lets out a small cry, and Stone is immediately by her side. Gently lifting her into his arms, he rocks her from side to side, his face shining with an emotion that can only be described as pure love.

  “She’s perfect,” he says, so softly that I have to lean forward and strain to hear him.

  “She looks just like her mother,” I agree with a small nod.

  “With her aunt’s hair,” Stone laughs quietly. “Shannon’s going to hate that. Poor kid.”

  There’s a quick knock at the door and we both freeze. “Who is it?” I whisper harshly, but he shakes his head and motions for me to keep quiet, passing Sunshine to me. Holding her close against my chest, I watch as Stone crosses to the same window I saw him arrive from, peering around the edge before giving an audible sigh of relief. “It’s okay,” he grins at me over his shoulder, unlocking the door and pulling it open.

  In the doorway is the last person I ever expected to see.

  “Stone,” he says, taking a black baseball cap off and stepping inside the room, his eyes scanning the small area until they come to rest on me, still holding Sunshine.

  “Hello Keets,” Bullet says, rubbing his shaved head with one hand nervously. “Long time no see.”

  FIVE

  “What is he doing here?” I hiss at Stone five minutes later.

  We’re standing in the bathroom while Bullet coos over Sunshine, back in her makeshift crib.

  “He’s good at what he does,” Stone argues.

  “I’m not disputing that,” I agree. “But don’t you two hate each other?”

  “I’m willing to put aside my difference for now,” Stone says, glancing at Bullet over his shoulder. “There are more important things at stake right now. Like getting you home to Natalie.”

  “But how?” I ask. “My DNA is all over that crime scene. There’s blood everywhere.”

  “Just leave it to us,” Bullet says, walking over to join us. “Look, I know there’s a lot I haven’t told you guys yet, and believe me, I want to.”

  “Then why don’t you?” I ask, but he shakes his head. “Now is not the time, or the place to be talking about that sort of stuff. We have something a little more pressing to take care of. Now, where exactly is Troy’s body?”

  I give them a description of the area, and within ten minutes they’re out the door, leaving me alone with a sleeping Sunshine and my thoughts. Filled with the overwhelming desire to speak to my girlfriend, I fish my cell phone out of my pocket and dial Stone’s house number.

  “Hello?” Zeke picks up the phone. His voice is muffled, as though his mouth is full.

  “Shannon is going to kill you if she finds out you’re the one eating her fruit mince pies,” I chuckle.

  “She can’t prove it,” Zeke laughs, and I can imagine the crumbs flying out of his mouth as he tries to speak, creating a crumb cloud and coating the carpet.

  “Listen, is Aunty Nat there?” I ask him, desperate to speak to her.

  “Sure, hang on,” he says. His voice is still muffled, but I can clearly hear him shouting in the background. “Aunty Nat? Phone.”

  “Who is it?” Shannon asks. “It’s after midnight and - hey, what are you eating? Get back here”

  I grin as Shannon comes on the line. “Hello?”

  “Shan,” I smile brightly. “How are you doing?”

  “Keets?” her voice has changed from surprised to angry in the space of one second. “What the hell? Where are you? Natalie is beside herself with worry. Of all the selfish, spoiled things you could do to my sister, this really takes the cake.”

  I hold the phone away from my ear as she continues her tirade. I know that I could stop her vicious tirade with nothing more than a few words to tell her that her abusive ex-husband is dead, but a sick, twisted part of me believes that I deserve the punishment that she’s dishing out. So instead of explaining myself to her, I let Shannon abuse me like the pathetic piece of shit that I am.

  “Give me the phone,” I hear Natalie’s worried voice in the background, and my heart rate accelerates, tripling its speed as the love of my life takes the phone.

  “Damien?” she asks, her voice trembling with unshed tears.

  Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from breaking down and telling her everything. But as I speak, my voice shakes and I swallow hard, trying to dislodge the lump that’s positioned itself directly behind my Adam’s Apple. “Hey Nat,” I say softly, hating myself even more when I hear her crying softly.

  “What’s going on?” she cries, closing what I assume is the bedroom door, separating herself from the others to give us a small margin of privacy. “Where are you?”

  “I can’t tell you,” I say, my voice full of regret. “Nat, please believe me, I didn’t plan any of this.”

  “Any of what?” she asks, her voice catching on a sob. “What are you not telling me?”

  “Listen to me,” I beg her, tasting blood as I bite my lip too hard. “I love you, you know that, right?”

  “I love you too,” she cries. “Keets, I’m so scared. It’s Christmas Eve and you’re God only knows where, doing who knows what.”

  “I know baby,” I say soothingly, wishing with all my might that I could crawl into bed beside her and kiss away her tears, ease her concerns. “I’m doing everything I can to come home to you.”

  “You’re really not going to tell me what’s going on?” she asks, and I squeeze my eyes shut again.

  “I can’t,” I admit. “But it’s not because I don’t want to. You believe me, don’t you, Natalie?”

  She’s silent for a moment, but it’s the longest damn moment of my entire fucking life.

  “I believe you,” she finally says, and the relief that washes over me is palpable. Taking a deep, shuddering sigh, I rub my eyes with my free hand.

  “Listen, Nat, I have to go now, okay? But I’ll call you as soon as I can. I love you, remember that please. No matter what, I love you, and I’ll find a way to come home to you.”

  “Keets, wait, what-” but I cut her
off as fast as I can, tossing my cell phone down onto the bed as despair floods me. I don’t know why I told her that I’d be home, it’s not as though it can ever really happen.

  A small cry catches my attention, and I turn toward the chest of drawers, where Sunshine is kicking her legs. Approaching her quietly, I stare down at the tiny infant for a long moment, wondering if I’ve done the right thing. This child will grow up to despise me, because of what I have done to her biological father.

  She looks up at me, and then her face splits into the widest smile I have ever seen. My heart shatters, and the first tears fall. I cry for myself, I cry for Natalie, but more than anything, I cry for the innocent child laying in the drawer in front of me. She didn’t ask for any of this, none of it is her fault, and yet she is the one who will be forced to go through the rest of her life dealing with the consequences.

  “I’m so sorry, Sunshine,” I whisper, stroking her cheek gently. “I’m so damn sorry. I never wanted any of this for you; you deserve so much better than I could ever give you.”

  I hear a noise outside the door and freeze, visibly relaxing when I hear the carolers. Get it together, Keets. Just get through tonight, and everything will be okay.

  But even as I think that, an eerie thought crosses my mind; it’s after midnight, far too late for carolers. It’s as though it’s a bad omen, a sign of things to come.

  The door flies open and I spin on my heels, immediately on the defensive.

  “Come on,” Bullet orders, charging into the room. “We have to get out of here right now.”